What is the best way to confront someone for emotional closure purposes who was abusive towards you but has not been in your life for some time?

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Please read Susan Forward's book "Toxic Parents". Even if it's not a parent who abused you, this book was very helpful to me and it also addresses this issue in detail. good luck

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For her traumatic wounds to heal, the victim of abuse requires closure - one final interaction with her tormentor in which he, hopefully, acknowledges his misbehaviour and even tenders an apology. Fat chance. Few abusers - especially if they are narcissistic - are amenable to such weakling pleasantries. More often, the abused are left to wallow in a poisonous stew of misery, self-pity, and self-recrimination.

More about the three forms of closure - here:

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/abuse17.html

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How is admitting one is wrong about what they have done considered "weak". To me, if one can't do that, they are in denial, afraid, and weak themselves for not being able to face up.

Avoidence of one own's flaws is weak,not admitting to them.

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Closure is something that happens in one's own mind, it is not about anyone else but one's ownself. IF we believe that the closure or the end is for us alone, it has to be done by us too. Ofcourse its great to have the person who has abused you accept it, but its highly unlikely, esp in the case of non sexual abuse by parents, because they possibly believed what they did to be the best thing to do.

In such a case I think its for the victim to realise that what they know to be worng is wrong, whether any one else accepts it or not.You have to be sure of your own faith, and then go on to know that the past is over and the future is ahead, the past should nit overshadow your future. Crystalise these thoughts and beliefs in your mind, and not only will you get the closure you are seeking, but you may also just be able to forgive the abusers as ignorant.

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I would advise against trying to get closure with a ex who was abusive. They may see it as you are trying to start things up with them again. An abuser will say lets be friends. He/She only wants an opening. They are quite willing to abuse you again. The best way to obtain closure is to completely physically and emotionally distance yourself. This also sends a strong message to the abuser, that they are losing or have lost power over you. With each day you distance yourself you will feel as though you are taking your power back. The man that was abusive to me said sorry, but in such a way to furthur humiliate me. he said sorry for using you. I was so sick and emotionallly crushed but I see him now as the pile of junk he is and have moved on. I removed myself completely from anything or any person that has anything to do with him. I dont go where he goes, and I do not talk to anyone he knows. I even had to end some freindhsips but thats okay. I am happy with me and my new power and going on a hot date on Sat night with a nice gentleman. Best regards.

First answer by anonymous. Last edit by Alberta. Contributor trust: 323 [recommend contributor]. Question popularity: 34 [recommend question]