What feelings should a victim of abuse have?

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If you have conflicted feelings of having done the wrong thing after you have left your abuser--which is the Right thing--that is normal. It shows that you have a conscience, loyalty and such. However, the thing to do is to remember that you did the right thing for the right reasons, so you do not need to revisit the decision. Maybe, it is because it took so long to consider leaving that your brain just habitually goes there. If you turn your mind to other things, then that will help you pass through this time. Eventually, you will be looking forward and not back.

Answer

Victims of abuse are traumatized. Many of them develop PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).

For detailed discussions of the emotional reactions of victims of abuse - click on these links:

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/trauma.html

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/torturepsychology.html

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq68.html

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq80.html

Answer

I've been with my abusive husband for almost 7 years. At first i felt sorry for him b/c he was abused as a child, i thought i could help him and show him love, all he ever done was lie and hurt me. I feel very angry inside most of the time. Sometime i think if something happened to him i could get away, i wouldn't feel this way any more. but then i feel bad for thinking that way and try to love him and take care of him. He is a very anry person and i always have mixed feeling about him.

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Wow! Your fiance sounds like mine. It has only been month since I packed up his things and had him move out after a violent rage left me bruised. Similar to you, I was very calm and self-assured during the first few days. I knew that getting him out of my home was the most important thing to do in order to maintain some personal dignity. However, things have been a whirlwind ever since. I'm confident one day, depressed or sad the next, find myself longing for him another day, and then hating him the day after. It's making me crazy, but I'm determined to get through this. I find it most disconcerting that this man with whom I planned to spend my life and start a family has in no way tried to contact me, demonstrate remorse, apologize or anything!!! It's as if he is continuing his abuse by avoiding all contact with me. The gradual withdrawal of his emotional and sexual involvement with me over the last 2 months of our relationship seem to be amplified as I go through this period of recovery. It doesn't get easier, but it starts to make more sense with time.

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To both of you young ladies who wrote about kicking-out the abusive fiances, I whole-heartedly salute you! As a one time survivor of domestic violence, I still to this day cannot explain why I, the victim, continued to stay with my abuser through day-after-day of torment. What I can say, however, is that both of you have made one of the hardest, yet most rewarding decisions you will ever make in your lifetime. And you're right, it is not easy, and the road ahead of you will be long; however, if you take the time to let yourselves heal and to work on becoming the person you would want to marry, you will come out of this a shinning star. Then when you are ready to resume dating again, always listen to and follow your inner voice, even if your heart is telling you otherwise. Trust me, the cycle of violence can be broken, as long as you're willing to to give yourself all the time you need to learn to love and forgive yourself.

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I suppose i went through mixed emotions. when i was with him i thought it was my fault, now i realise that i aws conditioned by him to believe that. now, 9 months after i told him to leave i realsie that :- 1) The abuse wasnt my fault or doing 2) That i am not any of the abuse words he called me 3) that i am not worthless 4) that i am a strong person 5) that i had far more in life than he ever did, house friends loving family etc 6) THAT YES I CAN SURVIVE WITHOUT HIM AND OTHER PEOPLE DO FIND ME ATTRACTIVE NOW I FEEL SORRY FOR HIM AS HE IS NOT ABLE OR CAPABLE OF CHANGING HE WILL CONTINUE TO REPAET HIS SERIES OF ABUSE WHEREBY I CAN LIVE MY LIFE IN HARMONY AND HAPPINESS

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I am the one that asked the inital question, it has been a year since i wrote that and i cant believe that that person was me. Once he finally left i thought that it was all going to be perfect, i was so wrong he stalked me harrassed me threatened me, i moved he found me I changed numbers he got them he thinks that he has the right to do what ever he wants and that i have to tell him what and who i am with. I am worse now than i was then in some ways I am on the edge of depression and i am so angry. I go to group therapy and i thank god for them. I just know that there is a light and it will one day get better. One day I will be whole again and I am going to be so strong that this will never happen again. But I know now that all of what i felt was normal and that makes it a little easier to handle.

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I have never done this before.

I recently got engaged (about 3 months ago) and I love him very much. he is a police officer, and he has been verbally and somewhat physically abusive towards me over the past several months. I am scared to leave him....only because I love him so much. It hurts so bad to think that this is the man I was going to marry, and start a family with...how can I turn my back on him? Everyone tells me I need to leave him, get my own place (since I live in his house) and then we can try to work it out. But I can't get the strength to do that. Am I crazy??

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I abruptly left the man who continually abused me 3 months ago. One night i just realized that this is not love. This can't be love, all this hurt and crying and rollercoaster confusion. Each day that goes by, I miss him. And I feel sick and weak for feeling that way. Each day brings sadness or anger or remorse BUT IT FEELS RIGHT. This is my soul healing itself. I know that with time, happiness will emerge and I will have become a stronger person, much stronger than I had ever dreamed of. K.

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I am 22 Years old And I left my abuser 6 months ago I was with him for 4 years and I am happy now of not having that stress of him,But my feelings are my problems now I dream about him I think about him everyday and sometimes I cry for him I dont want him back I dont know why I atill have all thse feelings. One of the gorls said that they were healing, maybe thats what I am doing somedays I miss him and others I am angry with him. There has been no communcation betwwen us I left wihtout him knowing and I have a domestic vilence order and he is a felony assault on female for me now so seeong him in court doesnt help me. People tell me I should drop it its so hard cause those people dont know what I went through with him my feelings are messed up But I am happier then I was Its just I cant let go of everything built up inside of my chest does anyone understand me?

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I have been in an abusive relationship for over a year and some. I have gone back to him several times and this last particular time I think was the wrong thang to do. I am involved with a man from the MNPD and I have realized that he will never change. We have gone through legal stuff and still continue to mess arounnd and it's just not his fault because it is as well as my fault, but I love him so much. He is a good man, but when he gets in his mood he treat everyone wrong, especially the lady in his life. I seem to not be able to shake him and wishes that I could very much so. I am dependent on him, not financially wise because I back myself independently, but he charmed me and treated me like I was the queen when he wasn't in his moods. I am trying my darns to break this dependence on wanting to be with him because I know it's unhealthy for me. DO I love this man? Yes, very much so but love isn't controlling my life and and treating how he does when he is not satisfied with what I do because it isn't his way. I encourage anyone that is in a abusive relationship early to get out as soon as possible because the longer thr harder it is.

Answer

"What feelings should a victim of abuse have?"

Rage!!! And anger is healthy as long as you don't allow for it to consume you.

Therapy can be a healthy recourse to help you move on with your life.

I personally have decided to seek counseling to prevent further damage and to help me heal from never receiving closure only more abuse and lies. I have committed myself to never being in the kind of environment that abused me in the first place.

Best Wishes for the future...

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On second thought rage is unhealthy and exactly what the abusers want.

http://www.kalimunro.com/ritual_abuse.html

RAGE

Ritual abuse provokes children to feel enormous rage, because the violation which they experience is so great. This rage within the child contributes to the cult’s efforts to indoctrinate that child into a belief system in which violence and rage are valued and encouraged. A child who has been repeatedly violated by the cult over time, and not permitted to express any emotion about his/her abuse, may be eager to vent his/her rage by striking out and victimizing others. The assaultive behavior which ensues is encouraged and rewarded by adult cult members, and is used to make the child feel s/he already is just like the abusive adults who have provoked the rage.

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this is the first time ive opened up about this.

my exboyfriend abused and raped me severly for two years before i got a restraining order against him. two days after the order was renewed, he committed suicide and left me a letter which didnt answer any questions, but simply created more. its been a little over a year since he committed suicide and im still trying to get over him. ill be fine for several months and then ill fall back into the destructive ways i find comfort in. i know how hard it is to find understanding in a world where abuse is something that should be kept quiet. im here for anyone who needs a listening ear.

beachbunny394@comcast.net

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I went through denial, then confusion, anger, the most awfull anger but it motivated me to dump him. I went through a stage of longing. Now its indifference,

First answer by ID0000000000. Last edit by Simplemary. Contributor trust: 1047 [recommend contributor]. Question popularity: 183 [recommend question]