How do you keep yourself from taking an abusive partner back?

Answer

Well I guess this is the first or second day since I have been without my boyfriend. I am pretty sure he is abusive and it is extremely hard not to take him back. We have been together a little under a year, but he surely has me. Our biggest fight happened on Saturday. I have seven bruises from him. I am trying just to occupy myself so I don't think about him. I haven't changed my number yet, but I might have to to keep him away. He is very good at reeling me back in. I am going to try my hardest and actually listen to my friends this time. That's my biggest piece of advice is to listen to your friends. They know more than you. They will see what you don't. I always thought he would change for me, for him, for us, but now I realize that he never will change until he admits he has a problem. He always says he'll get help, but never does. He always says that he is going to be better, but doesn't. That's what i realized about this type is that they are all talk. They know what you want to hear to get you back. He even sent roses to my work, showed up at my work with flowers and a teddy bear and money for the cell that he destroyed of mine by throwing it at the floor. I should of realized that destroying my property is wrong, no matter what.
I know that I have a long road ahead of me until I am completely healed from him (emotionally and physically), but I also know that I deserve better.

Answer

I volunteer for an Abused Women's Center and all women of any age or race can go to the Center and seek help. It is not a matter of just simply 'listening to your friends' but each abuser has a different MO. Some will curse you out if you leave and move on, while others stalk and threaten you (also family and friends) and sometimes the ending to the relationship can end up being a disaster (generally to the victim.) This is very serious so don't think you are just going to be able to walk away without some sort of repercussions and that's all the more reason you should have a plan to stay with a trusted friend or relative and have them go along with you to the Abused Women's Center and they will counsel you and protect you. These are reasons you should seek this help:

• Abusive partners don't generally give up on their victim because they are into controlling and will 'tell you' when and if you can leave. Beatings can occur and sometimes they are brutal beatings. You need the help of a counselor to help you through this process.
• If your abuser is stalking you the Abused Women's Center will provide you with a legal counselor that will protect your rights and hopefully put this abuser behind bars for awhile (although not long enough as far as I am concerned.)
• The Abused Women's Center will also take you to a 'Safe House' where you are well hidden and your abuser can't find you. You will be expected to do your share of chores there as well as take their counseling programs. Once legalities are out of the way then you can either go back to school or they will help you find work and a place to live.
• A high percentage of victims of abuse go back to their abusers because they have been brain-washed and end up with low self esteem and a feeling that they aren't good enough to make it out in the world. The abuser has done their job well. The victim also feels that no other man would want to bother with them (again the abusers tactics to control.) So, the victim goes back to their abuser and the abuse generally becomes even more brutal. The death rate from abusing women has gone up in leaps and bounds. This is where counseling comes in so you realize it wasn't your fault for falling in love with an abuser. Abusers can be very charming and you don't always see the warning signs at first and eventually are blind-sided by your abuser. Counseling will teach you to watch for those signs and be more careful whom you choose to date or to live with or even marry.

Abusive behavior is not love and don't even think it is. When someone loves you they treat you with respect, loyalty and share with you. Abusers are well aware of what they are and they will generally pick on shy or innocent victims. Abusers will show all signs of loving the person and in some cases can even give many gifts to them and show them a good time out on the town. They are foxy and will ever so gently begin to alienate you from your friends and eventually your own family. Abusers like to isolate their victims so they have more control. Once you live with an abuser (married or not) they have you right where they want you. Then you have lost control of your independence. You are a victim and have done nothing wrong to deserve any abusive behavior. Abusers have no back bone and while great at beating up women (of any age) they fear a one-on-one with another man.

ANSWER

I know it may not seem simple - but it is. As long as you realize you are worth more and deserve better than to get treated like an emotional and physical pounching bag and get angry about it - you will find it easy. If you dont get angry about your right to be treated like a human being, youll be stuck in that horrible yo-yo relationship forever. Make a decision.

First answer by ID0000000000. Last edit by Bethanyhiska. Contributor trust: 3 [recommend contributor]. Question popularity: 318 [recommend question]